歷史的巨輪

今天太陽有點猛烈, 在墳場門口竟然碰見常來做替工的女士, 想不到連去掃墓都會碰面. 替媽媽換了念珠, 那束人造花依然鮮豔美麗, 也減輕了我因為太忙而沒有時間去買花的內咎感.

登高後和家人吃午飯, 我看著喜歡說話的爸爸, 想來想去都不理解媽媽當年看上他甚麼, 兩個南轅北輒的人, 一個沉默寡言, 心思細密又懂得替人著想, 深刻的眼神清澈卻又帶著萬語千言, 像一塊樸玉, 可惜我們沒有一人遺傳了她那雙美麗的眼睛. 而我爸爸...當然他年輕時也是個美男子, 白哲的皮膚, 高鼻, 薄唇, 而且善於辭令, 但內涵欠奉.

也許千古以來, 人性的美與醜都要融合, 才造了這不完美的世界.

一直在找一個和爸爸性格完全相反的伴侶, 那管只有一點點像他, 也會讓我毛管橫豎, 充滿不安及不安全的感覺. 但我發現, 如果爸爸代表的是典型男人的原形, 那就太恐怖了.

舊同事

下午跟舊同事喝茶, 全職家庭主婦, 看來不容易當, 不過她清減了一些,  看起來健康不少.  可以停下來休息一會, 真好.

抹一把汗

老闆叫我去培訓班, 一連三天, 我說我不能. 她說你星期一至三上夜課, 宿營剛好在星期四至六, 還可以入住酒店.

想取我的命? 入住酒店是因為要連夜討論研討會的題目, 然後匯報. 第二天, 我盡了九牛二虎的力勸服她另外找人, 可惜我不容易哭, 不然事半功倍.

每天的工作已經令我身心俱疲, 實在無法應付額外的工作.

對朋友說你快點帶我走吧, 他說每次來探望你, 你總是那麼忙碌, 你是放不下工作吧. 工作是要完成的, 不管你喜不喜歡, 我不想有一天醒來, 發現除了工作, 我甚麼都沒有, 包括夢想.

Are you happy?

'Some people appear to be happy, but they simply don't give the matter much thought. Others make plans: I'm going to have a husband, a home, two children, a house in the country. As long as they're busy doing that, they're like bulls looking for a bullfighter: they react instinctively, they blunder on, with no idea where the target is. They get their car, sometimes they even get a Ferrari, and they think that's the meaning of life, and they never question it. Yet their eyes betray the sadness that even they don't know they carry in their soul. Are you happy?'

'I don't know.'

'I don't know if everyone is happy. I know they're all busy: working overtime, worrying about their children, their husband, their career, their degree, what they're going to do tomorrow, what they need to buy, what they need to have in order not to feel inferior, etc. Very few people actually say to me: "I'm unhappy." Most say: "I'm fine, I've got everything I ever want." Then I ask: "What makes you happy?" Answer:"I've got everything a person could possibly want - a family, a home, work and good health." I ask again: "Have you ever stopped to wonder if that's all there is to life?" Answer:"Yes, that's all there is." I insist: "So the meaning of life is work, family, children who will grow up and leave you, a wife or husband who will become more like a friend than a real lover. And, of course, one day your work will end too. What will you do when that happens?" Answer: there is no answer. They change the subject.'

'No, what they say is: "When the children have grown up, when my husband - or my wife - has become more my friend than my passionate lover, when I retire, then I'll have time to do what I always wanted to do: travel." Question: "But didn't you say you were happy now? Aren't you already doing what you always wanted to do?" Then they say they're very busy and change the subject.'

'Are you happy?'

'No, I have the woman I love, the career I always dreamed of having, the kind of freedom that is the envy of all my friends, the travel, the honours, the praise. But there's something...'

'What?'

'I have the idea that, if I stopped, life would become meaningless.'

Paulo Coelho
The Zahir p.38,39

過關

今天比較悠閒，因為這星期的工作暫且完成．今夜我決定看一本想看的書，　明天再為工作奮鬥!

做瑜珈的時候累得差點睡了，但我告訴自己要堅持，我一直都這樣勉勵自己，堅持才可以克服萬難．這個週末終於可以看進修的參考書．

戴志偉，努力!

中秋節

想不到今天的天氣這麼壞, 仍然能夠看到滿圓的月亮, 樓下平台聚滿了嬉戲的小朋友, 挺有氣氛.

今天上班遲到了, 可能工作太累, 夜裡做了一個好夢, 遊覽希臘的巴特農神殿, 不覺陽光刺眼. 哦, 已經太遲了, 幸好仍趕得上第一堂課. 這種事每年平均都有一次, 希望今年不會再發生.